Stable is what we heard today, and this time it’s for real. I can really let it sink in, celebrate, relax, and rejoice in knowing that everything is fine. It’s wonderful. I think after hearing everything was okay I finally realized how much weight I really was holding onto worrying about it. But it’s gone, and I’m looking forward to the next six months of normal, happy life!
They again took ultrasound measurements of each tumor area and the measurements were exactly the same as six months ago. My tumor markers from the blood work analysis also were virtually the same, again showing no growth or increase in cancer activity. Stable, stable, stable…
Of course it would have been even more amazing to hear that my tumors were getting smaller or gone, but we have learned time and time again that my thyroid cancer is more of a long-term disease that I’m always going to have to manage – much like people with diabetes or something like that. And I can handle that. Having cancer in my neck isn’t as scary as it once was, and knowing that I can still live to be 100 years+ with my cancer isn’t as crazy as it sounded to me at the beginning of all this.
The other amazing thing that happened today that I didn’t expect was a flood of excitement for our new baby. I always thought part of my lack of excitement was because of losing the twin – thought it was hard to feel happy when everything about this baby made me remember the one we lost. And although part of that is true I’m sure, I think more of my lack of getting excited is because I feared what pregnancy might do to my cancer. I feared I would be facing another post-pardom nightmare like with Leo. I feared that maybe my body wasn’t up for the demands of pregnancy. I was having trouble letting myself get excited, because I didn’t want to be let down or feel like we had made a mistake by getting pregnant.
Those fears seem so silly now, because I should have known God’s protection was always with me and a child is NEVER a mistake. And today I can finally quiet those worries for good and get excited to welcome a new child home. I can finally let myself get excited because I know I won’t have to face surgery or anything else getting in the way of just being there for my kids – all three of them (yikes!).
I also want to thank everyone again for the prayers – it is so humbling and empowering to know all the petitions to God made on my behalf. God hears us, and there is incredible power in talking with Him. I feel so blessed to be surrounded my family and friends who love us enough to life us up in prayer. There’s no doubt we are in this good place because of those answered prayers.
This blog might stay pretty boring for awhile – but I’m okay with that 🙂 God’s blessings to all of you!
PS: My doctors are amazing people – I hope you never need an endocrinologist or a head and neck surgeon, but if you do, Dr. Whitney Goldner and Dr. Bill Lydiatt are the best. They not only are brilliant in their fields, but they each have a spectacular way of explaining things and quieting any fear or anxiety we have. I always leave their appointments knowing we are in the best of hands. Dr. Lydiatt is also a thyroid cancer survivor, so who better to know how to take care of a thyroid cancer patient then one who has been there. Please keep these physicians in your prayers, that God continues to work through them to provide healing and comfort.
PPS: My husband and parents are amazing – not only are they my biggest prayer warriors, but they have been to so many appointments and waiting rooms with me I have lost count. I am SO blessed to have each of them, and they have made this journey much easier to travel. This experience can be just as hard, if not harder, on the caretakers, so Neel, my mom and dad need prayers, too.