We are VERY happy to announce that we are expecting our third child in early June 2013.  Big brother and big sister are so excited, and mom and dad are as well 🙂  This is something we have been waiting many months for, and it’s so great to finally be excited about a new bundle of joy.  Praise God!

We have gotten a few ultrasounds of the new baby and he or she looks great.  We will wait to find out the gender until the big arrival, but Helen’s guess is a boy, and Neel’s guess is a girl.  I’m leaning towards boy myself, but would be happy with either one of course.  I am 12 weeks along.

My thyroid has really been a non-issue so far, and I just get blood work drawn every six weeks to see if my medicine needs to be adjusted.  Please continue to pray that my thyroid cancer doesn’t interfere with the pregnancy like it did the last one.

Like most pregnancy stories, ours has its ups and downs.  I have always told the whole story on this blog.  Doing so helps me cope with what we’re going through, and hope it gives a voice and hope to anyone else going through a hard time as well.

So our pregnancy journey this time around began in June this year.  It was the day after Relay for Life and I had that feeling that I was pregnant, so I took a test, and it was positive!  Neel and I were surprised, but so excited. We were leaving the next day to go on a family vacation, so knowing it would be super hard to hide being pregnant sharing a cabin with my family (and of course being so excited), we told our immediate families.  I felt great, called my endocrinologist right away to get my blood work done, and made my OB appointment.  Neel and I have been so blessed that it’s easy for us to get pregnant, and I was grateful that even after all I had put my body through, it was still easy.

But that’s where easy stopped…two weeks later, the cramping and spotting started.  It was the weekend, so I went to Dr. Google…who told me it was anything from a miscarriage, to it was completely normal, to rush to the ER.  I finally called the OB who said I should probably be seen Monday, but told me it could be completely normal.  I was so confused, and tried not to worry (yeah right!).

We went to the OB on Monday where they did an ultrasound, and couldn’t find a pregnancy.  Which at that point either meant it was too early to see, it was an etopic pregnancy, or it was a miscarriage.  I had to go get blood work done to see, and repeat the blood work in two days to confirm what was going on.

Two days later, I woke up to the worst cramps I’ve ever had (plus two crying children…why did they pick that morning to be complete terrors?).  I went for my second round of blood work, but my body was already telling me what was happening.  Later, the blood work confirmed a miscarriage.  My doctor was wonderful and kept reiterating that this happens often, nothing we did, or could have done, to cause or prevent this.  This was not related to my cancer, but just something that happens…no explanation.

It’s hard to describe how we felt after hearing this news…we were so taken by surprise by the pregnancy, and equally taken by surprise by the miscarriage, it was almost like everything happened in a dream – a really bad dream.  Nothing really had time to sink in.  And then having to tell family that we had lost the baby…worst.phone.calls.ever…

The next month came and I was late…so I took another pregnancy test and it was positive!  Could it be that simple where we get pregnant again one month later??  I called my OB who sent me for blood work. (yeah, I’ve been poked a lot this year).  My hormone levels were still so low, it was actually just residual from the previous pregnancy.  Ugh…it felt like another blow, and I felt silly for getting my hopes up that we could in fact be pregnant again that soon.  I didn’t realize that miscarriages could take two months…but sometimes they can.  Cruel mother nature.

After the complete emotional roller coaster of the summer, I gave up “trying to have a baby.”  I couldn’t handle getting my hopes up that month, just to be devastated.  During time I had done so much reading about thyroid cancer patients trying to get pregnant after treatment and there were so many horror stories of multiple miscarriages.  If that was what was ahead of me, I didn’t even want to try anymore.  We started considering adoption, or maybe foster parenting.  So many choices…

Anyone trying to get pregnant I’m sure can relate.  I made a conscious effort to “let go and let God.”  God knows the perfect timing, and I gave it to Him.  I really, truly did.  I felt like a new person.

The end of September I barely noticed that I was late again (I wasn’t paying attention, part of my “not trying to have baby.”)  So I took a test and it was positive.  Neel and I were so cautious to get excited, in fact I didn’t really believe it, just trying to guard my emotions.  I called my OB and they said I could come in next week for an ultrasound.  Most of the time you’re not seen until 8 weeks, but because of my miscarriage before, she likes to give mothers peace of mind earlier than that (this turned out to be a blessing and a curse).

We went for the ultrasound and I was about 5 weeks along.  She easily finds the baby and things look great.  Then….she finds a second baby!!  We were having twins!  We were excited beyond measure, scared out of our minds, but so excited!!!  We weren’t going to tell ANYONE until 12 weeks, but with this news, we had to share with our parents.  Since it was twins, she wanted us to come back in two weeks for another ultrasound.

Those two weeks we were still very guarded and cautious about getting our hopes up, but couldn’t help but plan how we were going to make room for two babies.  It was a wonderful thing to plan for, and felt that God was blessing us two-fold after the disappointments of the summer.

I had never felt more tired, soar, etc.  All the pregnancy symptoms were magnified double, but it was great all at the same time.  We went to the next ultrasound so excited to see how the two little ones were developing.

But only one baby was developing.  The other twin had stopped.  They call it the “vanishing twin.”  And that is exactly what it felt like.  A baby was there one day, and then gone the next.  It was another miscarriage, but I didn’t have any miscarriage symptoms since the other baby was doing so well.  It was the definition of bittersweet…so happy to see one healthy baby, but devastating to know we lost another child.

An ultrasound two weeks later showed again one healthy baby, and an area where my body was reabsorbing the other twin.  Only now, at 12 weeks, have I finally been able to feel excited about being a mom again.  And only now do we feel comfortable telling the masses, because it is the absolute WORST to tell someone you lost a child.

So that is the REALLY long story of how this child came to be.  I find comfort knowing that God knows what I can handle, and it’s no surprise that God knew one baby at a time might be the best plan for us.  With not being out of woods because of the cancer yet, one baby is probably the best plan for our family.

Please keep us all in your prayers.  It helps more than I could ever express.  I also ask you remember all couples trying to have a baby in your prayers, as ours in the long run was a short journey to get pregnant, where I know some couples struggle much longer.

Love,

Ang +1

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